As I drove home today from the running club that I have joined I was pondering this post and the title ‘guilty of neglect’ kept coming to mind but thankfully I captured that thought and quashed it, because how useful is it to focus on the negatives? Yes I am very guilty of neglect, I am 43 years old and if I went through one of those bone scanners and full health checks I am pretty sure they would say the age of my body is about 63 or maybe even 83 years old. I already have arthritis in my knees, one of my ankles is dodgy, my calves hurt if I move too fast, the under pads of my feet hurt when I exercise, I suffer with chronic periods and I get breathless in no time at all.
But, I don’t want to focus on that bad stuff. Today was a successful day, I made a commitment to join a local running club hosted by an inspirational woman from my church and after finishing my TLG coaching this morning I left the school and headed to my car in the pouring rain. As I walked up the hill, my feet and calves hurt and I felt very short of breath. “What are you letting yourself in for Mich, best not to go running in this weather, you’ll hurt yourself and with the size of you, break something. You’re not cut out for this kind of exercise. Just go home” was the internal dialogue running through my head. Thank God the angel on my shoulder was egging me to go along and just give it a try.
The last thing I wanted to do was run, especially down on the St Leonards-on-Sea prom as the wind and rain lashed but I had made a commitment to be there and having already done one session with Jax before I knew she would spur me on and you know what? I enjoyed it. It was fun to walk, jog, huff and puff in the rain. I went the shortest distance, I went at the slowest pace, I was the biggest there by far but they were a fab group and I learnt new things and now I am sat on the sofa aching but that is OK as I’ve had a healthy lunch and resisted the snacks and I am going to keep going.
Back in the days when I went to Overeaters Anonymous (yes it is just like AA but for food addicts) they taught us that we have to stay in the moment. When we are walking away from our addiction and fighting the devil on our shoulder we must do it one day at a time, or if this is too hard, then literally one moment at a time and that is where I am today, fighting for every moment, to stay abstinent from the destructive act of overeating.
I can make changes and if I do then my body will change too, I just have to be ready and I AM ready. Who knows if I’ll be able to travel the whole journey this time, there is a very long way until a healthy BMI but I think what I am realising is that small steps or some steps are better than none at all. I can’t sit still (both figuratively and actually) I have to be brave and make changes. I’m not even sure what it is that I fear, that keeps me locked in this fat body and not taking the steps I need but no more, I’m going to be a big girl and face it.
I’m facing up to the fact that I am unhealthy and putting my life at risk
I’m facing up to the fact that I set a bad example for my kids
I’m taking the bull by the horns and starting to exercise regularly, even though it hurts me
I’m taking steps to eat better and consciously
I’ve got a kick-ass accountability partner
I’m relying on God, because I can’t do this alone. This problem I have had for so many years is far bigger than me but it is time that it was dealt with. So here I am on day one and I am pleased to say I’ve made a start…
I’ll keep you updated! Mich x