I walked into the kitchen the other morning and this was the sight that greeted me. Now forgive me for the awful quality photo but I just felt I had to share with you how loved I felt when I saw this sight. This for me is love….
I suspect many of you reading this think I have gone a little bonkers and are wondering why a half eaten pack of ready pancakes could possibly suggest love but they do.
One of my eight year olds had a pancake or two for her breakfast before I got up and instead of leaving them open on the side to go hard, she got a bag out the drawer and covered them up. She cared enough to emulate me and to tidy away and make sure they were still good for the next person who fancied one.
That person was my son, four years older than my daughters but did he put the pack back in the bag to keep them fresh? Of course not, it didn’t even occur to him, he just left them on the side and the crumbs everywhere, confident in the knowledge that Mum would do it.
So back to the original question – what is love? Well for me love is often an action. It is something that a person chooses to do, it isn’t always a feeling. That day love was about making an effort and going out of her way to make things better for the next person. That kind of love took thought and effort and it pleased me immensely.
I’ve often wondered about love as an action, especially in marriage. You hear so often nowadays of people getting divorced because they do not ‘feel’ in love anymore and personally I think that you have to put hard work into marriage and choose to love each other. Of course there are times when you are bubbling over with love but equally I’ve found in the last twenty odd years that there are times when I do not have those feeling so much.
I recall a while back speaking to some older friends who had fostered children for years about how it must be difficult to deal with some children and how do you show them love, so they can feel secure? They assured me that if you treated them the same as your own child and you carried on as if you loved them the child would feel the love and gain the reassurance and security they needed. ou didn’t always have to actually love them, just ‘act as if’.
Then this morning at church we were again exploring the book of Ephesians and one of our pastors was talking about how God loves us and dwells in us and this got me thinking about love as an action and I realised that there are two ways to love someone. There is the all-encompassing unconditional way that God loves us and I love my children and there is also the love that we make an effort to show, the love as an action. Like making a cup of coffee for my husband even when he has been a grouch all day or helping my girls to tidy their rooms even when they have been back chatting.
So it is OK that sometimes I don’t feel an overwhelming love for everyone in my life, I can choose not to be led by my feelings and make an intentional decision to act out love.
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31 Comments
such a beautiful post. I have never thought about it that way before
I know, it gives a whole new perspective.
THat’s adorable Michelle! Most children wouldn’t even think of doing that, mine included I would say.
It seems like a small thing but it shows thoughtfulness and awareness which is another sign that you’re doing a great job as a mum xx
Ahh thank you Cass, this one in particular can be a little pickle so I have to catch her doing good things too, to give balance!
It’s always great when they actually do something that we maybe would expect but never normally happens. It is the little things that light up our days
Yes, it really is the little things that make the difference Kizzy
my younger ones are better than the teens at tidying away – i think they just become very self centred at thAt age and don’t even think about others
I expect you are right Kara, that might explain why her older brother wouldn’t even think about it! lol
Oh bless, she is really good. I have one that is and one that isn’t! I think that love can be interpreted in many, many ways, In way we do and what we say and actions speak louder than words.
Indeed Jen, there are so many different languages and I even find that different things speak to me depending on the day!
What a lovely post, and I do agree with you, it’s those little things that show you care that mean the most and stir up feelings of love. At first, I thought you may have been in love with the pancakes…mmmm pancakes with golden syrup…….
Lol, certainly not shop bought ones but my husbands home made pancakes, now that is a different matter…
I think your daughter loves with her actions, I do too so I can totally relate to that. On the other hand, my other half appreciates praise and I am not very good at that. It does not mean I do not love him, I am simply not good at expressing love in a way he understands or would prefer expressed.xx
Yes, I’ve been reading all about the different love languages recently and I am starting to realise more and more than we have to be intentional to help our other halves (and children) feel the lve we so want to show them.
I do think it’s important to show love through your actions, otherwise it’s just words.
We have to take the time to work out what speaks to the other person and then make it intentional so they feel loved.
You’ve inspired me – I’m going downstairs now to hug my children. I hope they know I love them (and their Dad) more than anything, but you’re right, it’s important to show that as much as you can.
I’m sure they do Nell, I always think that anyone that worries they do anything enough is doing it just fine.
Awww lovely, I feel sudden bursts of love for things like this too! There’s nothing worse than stale pancakes ;D
Lol, what a funny pair we are!
I often have to remind myself that my Husband and I have very different ways of showing love through our actions. He’s not very domesticated (and neither am I, to be fair) but he IS very thoughtful in other ways, so instead of allowing myself to get bogged down with negative thoughts about how little washing up he does, I have to remind myself that he does other things which show he loves me, such as reminding me to take my medication every day.
Yes Jayne, you have it bang on. We have to get out of ourselves and look at what our other halves are doing to make a difference to our lives. I was doing this just this morning and realised that him doing all the long distance driving makes the world of difference to me.
Lovely Michelle, I get this, but I wouldn’t have thought it without you writing it so beautifully. I know I do act love sometimes, and that is ok. I know I also feel love and that is good too. #Sharethejoy
Ahh thanks so much for yoru kind words and great that this resonated with you.
h what a sweety and beautiful post. We’re fed so much stuff via tv telling us what love should look like. I find the problem is that we expect other people to show love like we would ourselves but actually we all show love in a different way and the key is being connected to someone deep enough to understand how they show their little acts of love.
Yes, you hit the nail on the head Anthea. We have to understand them and now how to show and receive love.
What a lovely post and such a great thing to do too. It’s nice to stop and think about what others are doing sometimes isn’t it. I can just imagine you walking into the kitchen and discovering it! It’s funny I read recently that we should ask our children why they love us which is an interesting take. POD did say some nice things when I asked her and with the husband it was more a case of “I love him because he turns the television on”. I think we have work to do!
I’ve done that a few ties with my kids and it is always really interesting to hear their perspective. I suspect I might have blogged about it at some point too, I mostly do! lol I’ve also done the opposite and asked what they don’t like so much about Mummy and that is good as well, although it feels a little scary to ask you then find that the stuff you beat yourself up about, they have no idea of. Mich x
This makes such sense to me Mich and I needed to read it today
Oh bless you love, glad I could help. I really need to post something over here again. x
P.S Thankyou!